Feel

I hate to feel these. But, feeling isn't something I have the ability to control of.

The second I woke up from my nightmare in the morning, I felt scared.

My feet stepped on the bathroom door, tried to adjust with the light, I felt terrible.

I went back to my room, I felt lost.

The school was waiting, met heaps of people I'm lacking on communication, I felt nervous.

Some of them said something they shouldn't to me, I felt fucked up.

I got home and laid on my couch, I felt tired.

Most of my friends, were discovered, have achieved what I never, but really like to, achieve, I felt envious.

And for some other time I didn't mention above, I tend to felt mad, to felt hate, to felt sad

disappointed

but worse than that.

I keep on feeling unaccomplish, I'm just a shit that tried so hard to be something but ended up failing and thrown to the street, hit by a car and never ever been heard again.

I felt depressed way too much for someone in my age even when there's no responsibility to take care of.

I have been consuming so many anger and rage I don't know if my body could hold any longer.

I lost myself in the way and I have no confidence to find it again.

I need a medication. I need a psychiatrist. I need sleeping pills. I need alcohol. I need friends. I need boyfriend. I need confidence. I need ego. I need money. I need clothes. I need to move on. I need to talk. I need to stop eating. I need to stop drinking. I need to stop find another friend. I need to try harder. I need to stop believing in people so much it may hurt myself.

I need to realize that we're on our own when it comes to living life and dying days.

I need to realize that people can't stay the same for the longest time.

I need to realize that unreal things never gonna make myself feel better.

So then what it is that can make me feel better?

God, sometimes I wish I had another life.

Mood : Confused

Listen to : Bring Me the Horizon - Diamonds Aren't Forever